I wish I could say I always approach motherhood with such grace and ease as I am in this image, but I don’t. Most days sure, but there are some days when I just “don’t wanna.”
There are days when I experience a bit of FOMO, thinking how nice it might be to go grab a chai latte and sit down at the bookstore to sip my coffee and browse the latest issue of Magnolia, or Where Women Create without a child at my side, asking to go to the children’s section.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mother, but there is more to me than that and sometimes even I forget that. I’m great until I’ve gone a couple of months without any time alone, or a decent night’s sleep, because I’ve allowed our daughter to sleep in our bed again, or an adult conversation that doesn’t include the word curriculum or schedule. As an introvert – INFP, to be exact – I need time alone, and time with my husband and my tight circle of friends to recharge my Spirit and plug back into my life. I’ve been neglecting this and I can feel it.
When I neglect this vital part of my life, I feel the FOMO and I even feel resentment toward my family. That feels terrible to type, but it’s true. I know I’ve reached this point when I heave a sigh before answering my daughter’s questions or threatening her with school. I have to say this: You know you’re a homeschool parent when you use school as a possible punishment! Yes, I was that mom. It wasn’t my proudest moment, but happened. The Winter doesn’t help either and while I’ve tried to embrace the stillness and the coziness of this season, I’m just f*cking over it. Can we fast-forward to Spring, already?
The thing is though, I don’t want to be left alone. I love my family and I love being with them. I absolutely love homeschooling our daughter, too. I just need to make time for what is important for my mental health and well being, and while I like to wish it was as simple as a thirty-minute workout and a few days of yoga each week, it just isn’t. I need more than that.
After chatting with other moms recently, it seems I’m not alone. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we wait until we feel like we want to run away from the people we love before we decide to make time to feed our Spirits? I can’t speak for other moms, but I feel pressured to do it all with a smile and a nonchalant wave of my hand. I feel pressured to just handle it. I feel this even more so, because I have only one child at home. I look at some of my friends and think, “Look at (insert name) she has multiple children and seems so happy with her life. Why can’t I just be happy? What’s wrong with me?”
I have the luxury of being able to stay home with my daughter, to watch her learn and grow every day. I can be silly, dance in the kitchen in my pajamas at three in the afternoon, if I want. I can visit the places I only wished I could when I was a teacher, and I can focus on writing and creating as much as my heart desires. I tell myself I don’t have the right to complain because I have it made.
There are major challenges to this life and they are easily dismissed in a world where working for money is the supreme goal: The isolation, the constant tugging, the boredom, the constant need to stay positive, the incessant feeling of not doing enough. The mom guilt is so real. I feel it on a regular basis. Many moms do.
We owe it to ourselves and our families to make time to recharge. This month, I’m making a point to make time for a date with my husband and meet-ups with friends. I’m making time to be alone as well, because I need it. I need it to be a better wife and mother – and to be a better ME – which is just as important as the other hats I wear.
What can you do to recharge your Spirit this month?
I hope you make time for that, because you deserve it.
A Musing Mother
Hi! My name is Theresa and I'm a wife, mom of three, and grandma to two. I am a Nature lover and a follower of Christ. I live in an old farmhouse on the river where I homeschool our daughter. Most days, I can be found reading, making nature-inspired products, & gardening. I also enjoy traveling with my family, exploring cool local places, and helping out others where I am able. On the blog, I must about life, love, and learning.