Like many people, most of my life has been spent on an endless search for something – happiness, peace and quiet, love, a sense of purpose.
What I’ve learned is that none of those things can be had out there somewhere. No relationship will ever make us happy if we aren’t already whole and happy. No temporary peace and quiet will ever still a restless spirit. A sense of purpose in this life comes from following signals from God and energy, not our hearts.
Our hearts can be very misleading. Our hearts can send us on an endless quest for lust and attention. Our hearts can make a sense of comfort and infatuation seem like the answer to our problems. Our hearts can send us fruitless quests for financial gain.
Our minds can do the same thing.
I think this is why prayer and mediation is so important. I think this is why quiet time is so important and I don’t mean that the world around us is quiet, but that we create within ourselves a quiet place that we can tap into when we need it. For me, that means giving thanks to God for the moment, for whatever I’m feeling at the time, and then taking a deep breath and asking for guidance. You may do it differently and that’s cool. We are all unique and we really should have different ways to tune it to the big picture. The Universal Love that is available to all of us at any moment.
When I do this, it gives me a chance to see the situation more objectively. In that brief exercise, my mind rests, my heart takes a break, and my worry, fear, anger, frustration, whatever – takes a backseat so I can see the Truth: that everything will work out.
God has my back. The Universe has my back.
Sometimes I don’t get to this point until I’ve already worried about something completely beyond my control for the last hour. Sometimes, it’s after I’ve raised my voice at my daughter. Sometimes it’s after I’ve lost sleep over something. But I do get there. I’m human. None of has everything figured out all the time and even if we do have good habits and we have built healthy habits, we will still find ourselves in situations where we feel like big balls of static electricity about to let loose on everyone around us.
I don’t follow my heart anymore. I don’t let my monkey mind lead me anywhere. I’ve spent too much time and money following them and I just don’t trust them anymore. They tend to feed Ego, rather than Spirit and well, I just don’t want to make time for them anymore. There’s something better than that out there.
- There’s something better than pretending life is awesome
- There’s something better than doing what I don’t want to do just to please someone else, when it hurts me spiritually
- There’s something better than trying to buy love
- There’s something better than trying to escape the beautiful life with travel or drugs, or alcohol, or likes and comments, or cheap sex
I have done every single one of these things in my life and not a damn one made me happy. If anything, they ended up leaving me feeling less than, washed up, worn out, unloved, angry, and unlovable.
Nothing outside myself has ever made me happy.
Love & Marriage
Some may thing this reflects poorly on my husband. “It so sad her husband doesn’t make her happy.” You’d be way off. It’s not my husband’s job to make me feel happy or fulfilled and I think it’s terribly selfish when couples do this to each other.
Your happiness and purpose, and sense of Self is YOUR responsibility and yours alone.
Your spouse’s happiness and purpose, and sense of Self is his/her responsibility and his/her alone.
Now, this doesn’t mean we think only of ourselves and act in selfish ways toward one another. That’s not love. That’s abuse and neglect and seriously not cool. As a couple, we care about and respect one another. I’m there to support my husband just as he is there to support me. We make time for one another and for our marriage, not because it’s expected of us, but because we love each other and want to see the other person loved and cared for.
My husband and I tend to overlook this sometimes. We don’t always make time for ourselves. We don’t always give and receive the affection we need from one another. I think a lot of marriages are like that. We’re human, with real human situations and it happens. I think the thing is, we have to acknowledge that. We can’t create a happy marriage by pretending everything is just fine. We can’t slap a smile on our faces and call it happiness. It just doesn’t work and everything comes out in the wash
What we can do is tune in.
We can come together and talk about the situation. We can hold hands when walking. We can lie a little closer to one another in bed. We can make love. We can go on an outing, or even a date together to simply hang out and have some fun.
Marriage is never a perfect union, because it involves two imperfect human beings, but marriage can be beautiful. I love my marriage with my husband. He’s a genuinely wonderful person and I can’t imagine walking through this life with anyone other than him. We have a beautiful marriage and I think it’s only going to get better as we work together to make God and gratitude a priority in our life together. I’m so thankful that he’s as willing and eager to be on this journey as I am.
How did I get to this after talking about the search for something? How did it end up a discussion about marriage and love? Maybe because it’s a universal idea. Maybe because even when we’re single, we’re still searching for belonging and love (I know I did) and maybe what I discussed with marriage can be true even for those who are not married.
- Love yourself enough to be respectful and loving toward yourself
- Make God (however you choose to view god) and gratitude a priority in your life
- Make time for yourself so that you don’t feel used up, worn out and unlovable
- Take time to think and meditate before making big decisions
Keep It Real
We can spend our lives on an endless, exhausting search for the person or thing we can dump our need for happiness, acceptance, and purpose on, or we can stop pretending to be okay and acknowledge how we really feel. We can sit with that for a moment, and then go from there. Vulnerability is a strength. It doesn’t happen, as I learned the hard way, from blasting everything all over the internet to any and everyone. It happens when we open up in a real and raw way with a few people we trust.
It happens when we open ourselves up to the grace and love of God as well. when we hit the pause button on the worry and the frustration and we open our arms and hearts to God’s pure, enduring love and light.
There are so many things I could choose to worry about today. Trust me. As I stated in a previous post, since we started going to church, tithing, and I started my daily Bible reading, life seems to have gotten more challenging! I could easily spend this day steeped in worry until I fell asleep, but I don’t want to fall into that trap of darkness.
Worry steals the joy from today.
Instead, I invite God into my darkness. I invite God into the worry that lies and tells me it’ll help if I just think about it over and over and in a million different ways, for the next week or so. I invite God into the areas of my life when I am afraid to trust people and I ask him to bring me people I can truly trust. I ask him to fill me up with trust in him as well. I invite God into my heart – my well-meaning heart – so that I’m not mislead down paths that are ultimately self-serving and isolating. I invite God to show me that I have all that I need, right here, right now and that every little thing….is gonna be all right.