A$$hole with Heart

I get really uncomfortable when people tell me I have a good soul or a good heart.

I care very deeply about the people I love and I try very hard to be there for them. I care very deeply for children, regardless of whether or not they are related to me and I will stand up and defend them if needed. I care very deeply about Mama Earth and animals and plants, but does this mean I have a good heart or soul? To me, it’s just common sense humanity.

Let me be very clear when I say that while I may have a good heart, I can be a total asshole. I have a low tolerance for bullshit – I’m talking the tank is on E and the light is on – kind of low tolerance, and my face will let everyone know what I’m thinking before I even consider opening my mouth.

I’m also very forthcoming, because even though an exorbitant number of people irritate me, I respect them, even if I think their ideas are ridiculous. Don’t pretend you’ve not heard ridiculous ideas that you have ripped apart over a cup of tea with your spouse. You know you have and I have as well.

I’ve also been the creator of really ridiculous ideas that were ripped apart by others. It’s okay. We’re not perfect. We’re all just a bunch of humans trying to navigate this thing called life. no one has all the answers.

What I’m trying to get at is this: I’m sick of trying to be anything…I’m even sick of trying to be a good person. What does that even mean?

What is good?

It seems like today, good is whatever the masses are thinking or saying, or doing.

I’m not a good person, but I am the best version of myself most of the time and that’s all I can be. That’s all I should even be striving to be. I’m not one to follow the masses and never have been. when I see a lot of people going in a direction, I’m far more likely to run in the opposite direction. I just don’t trust The Masses, because my experience shows that their choices are generally wrong for me.

white and orange pumpkins on ground

Parenting is one of those things most of us try to do well and I think the fact that we reflect on what we’re doing as parents shows that we care and that we’re trying, but let me tell you, I’m the type of mother who will tell may seven-year old daughter she’s acting like a brat when it’s the truth. Take the time I took her to a pumpkin patch for a free pumpkin and she complained that they weren’t bigger and then she proceeds to kick a few around. I mean, seriously? How terrible is that? She was acting like a brat and really, my kid is one of the most generous people I know. She’s not a brat, but hell yes, she can most certainly act like one and when she does, I do not hesitate to let her know.

I hope when I act like a brat someone loves me enough to say, “Resa, seriously, stop acting like a brat.”

Another thing that really irks me these days is the fake altruism. No one really seems to care, but Facebook is rampant with posts from people taking pictures of themselves helping the homeless, donating to causes, wearing safety pins for solidarity, hash tagging “me too,” and while I get it, none of this accomplishes a thing except to feed egos.

I’m sick of feeding egos.

If you want to feed the homeless, that’s so awesome, but once you blast it all over social media, it’s all about you, not the service you’re doing.

If you want to help others who have been the victims of sexual assault, go hold their hands and talk with them. Once you blast it all over social media, it becomes a completely different animal. It does nothing. It helps no one.

I think we’ve traded the kitchen table for social media and as the important and helpful conversations with family and close friends have died away, and shallow displays of words have erupted before our eyes on screens around the world.

Even this post. What good will it do? I’m only writing it because I must right. I honestly don’t care what anyone thinks about it. I’m just sick of bullshit. I’m sick of people who are stuffing their real, authentic selves away behind a facade of good.

We don’t need anymore good. We need real.

We need arguments that end, not with a block and a log out, but with a hug.

We need discussions in person, where we can hear the intention behind the words that are shared. We need real laughs rather than “lols” that are typed out without a smile. We need each other and I don’t mean a thousand friends, but a handful of really amazing friends and family who know us and love us…the good, the bad, and the otherwise, because that’s who we really are.

Xx

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s