When was the last time you did something nice for yourself?
Maybe to indulge in a lovely hot bath with lavender essential oil and Epsom salts?
Or maybe to buy the silver necklace you’ve been drooling over every day for the last month?
Perhaps to just have coffee in the bookstore on a rainy Saturday afternoon?
If you can’t remember, then my dear, you need to give yourself some love.
Get your calendar and pencil – strike that! – INK PEN yourself in.
Seriously, do it.
One thing I regret as a mother of young children was not giving time to myself. Motherhood doesn’t have to be a sentence to martyr-dom. We can give love to ourselves and still be amazing mothers and I’d argue that by showing ourselves some love, we can be better mothers, because we’ll feel like we matter. Do you feel like you matter outside of feeding and clothing and nurturing your children? How’s your marriage, if you’re married?
I know my marriage has had it’s challenges. My husband and I don’t have time together like we’d prefer, although we are eternally grateful for my mother who asks to have our daughter spend a weekend with her each month. Our daughter loves it and we enjoy having time together that we wouldn’t ordinarily have because we don’t have family nearby. I’m with you, if you feel like your child takes center stage every day and while I love my children more than my own breath, I’m learning that by giving to myself a little bit each day – holy shit! Did she just say each day? – yes, I did. I’m learning that by giving to myself each day, that I am able to mother more attentively, with more calm than I have in the past. I find I’m happier, I’m more focused, and I don’t harbor the resentment that most mothers would be afraid to admit having deep inside.
You know what I mean….the resentment that makes you sigh every time your child calls your name. The quiet resentment that makes you sometimes wish you could be doing something else. We’ve all felt it and it comes from the decisions we make as mothers. You cannot constantly put yourself last and not feel the repercussions of that. Let’s be real.
So, how can you give a little to yourself every day?
1. Log out of social media. There, I said it. It’s numero uno, mamas. As someone who has had a serious social media addiction, I know how draining it can be. I also know how it affects our focus, mood, and even our physical health to sit and scroll. For one thing, when we’re scrolling, we’re looking down. The very act of which can lower our energetic vibrations. On the flip side, simply looking up can raise our vibrations. Next, often when we’re scrolling, we’re slouching and slouching makes our backs hurt, it also weakens our core and our thighs. Over time, this can lead to body hate, which is near good. You’re beautiful. Your body is gorgeous. Get it moving.
If you have trouble saying no to social media, use the Screentime manager on your iPhone. You can set your limits for social media and even have down time for the evening so you can get better rest and give your mind a mental break from the screen.
2. Meditate even just five minutes each day. You can do this. Five minutes flies by. Install a friendly app like Headspace to get started. They have various packages, but the basics one is free. Plan a time each day to meditate (perhaps while your coffee is brewing) and let your mind rest for a while. The calm you create during your five minutes will carry over into the rest of the day. This is self love, ya’ll!
3. Buy the damn necklace you’ve been dying for! If it’s out of your price range, find a knock-off that’s similar. Fashion doesn’t have to break the bank and I don’t think it should…ever. Adding to your debt is not self-love, it’s self-destruction, so shop mindfully. Target and Express are great at stocking the latest trends at more reasonable prices. You can also try consignment shops like ThredUp and The Real Real, two of my faves for finding cool pieces for my family.
4. Give time each day to something you enjoy. I tend to move from one project to another. Some may call is ADHD, but I call it creativity at its most natural. Ha! Right now, I’m working on a quilt for my grandson, building an inventory for the shop, planning the interior decorating for our house, writing, gardening, and reading. Sometimes I’ll dive into a project for a long time and “neglect” the others. Other times, I’ll give a little time to each one. It just depends on my mood and my time management for the day, but no matter what, time is given to one of these things every day, because I enjoy all of them and each of them fills my Spirit in some way. Find what you enjoy and do it! you’ve only got this one life, live it while you still have that glorious breath in your lungs.
5. Eat well, indulge occasionally, and drink plenty of water every single day. This cannot be overstated. What we put into our bodies shows up in all areas of our lives. Our gut has a significant effect on our mood and energy levels, so take good care of it. If you need help with this, see our previous post about getting healthier.
My challenge to you today is to show yourself some love. You can try my suggestions, or toss them out and do your own thing. Just show yourself some love today. Show your children how you hope they will treat themselves when they are adults with no one to tell them to slow down, to take care of themselves, or to hug them when the days suck ass. Show yourself some love today.
Embrace a feeling of abundance today, rather than a feeling of lack. You have everything within you to live the life of your dreams. It just takes one step forward – one act of kindness, one step in faith, one act of self-love.
Take good care, mamas.