A Little Change

Waking up early has changed my life. I love my mornings. I began setting my alarm for 630 a few weeks ago and now I find myself waking about fifteen minutes before my alarm goes off. I lie awake wondering, Has my alarm gone off yet? Then lift my head, look out the bedroom windows to the river and survey the light there. Is it time to get up yet? I wonder. I don’t actually get out of bed until either I hear my alarm or I hear my son get up for work.

Once up, I send my son off with a quick “good morning,” He’s not a morning person, so my days of happily greeting him (I am a morning person) are gone and I find myself reining back so as not to annoy him. No one wants to be annoyed first thing in the morning.

I am always greeted by our dog, who is absolutely a morning dog, and has quickly learned that I am actually up and at ’em at 6:30 these days, rather than the days when the alarm went off and I promptly turned it off and slept until nine or ten. He does his I’m-so-happy-to-see-you dance, where he puts his head to the ground and basically wags his entire body at me. So-happy-to-see-you! So-happy-to-see-you! Often, this dance ends with him flipping completely over. It’s quite comical!

Our cat, Drama Mama, who is usually found sleeping under the old mauve chair in the upstairs hallway, rubs my leg to alert me to the dire situation in which she has found herself this morning: One of the food bowls is empty! Starvation is imminent! She rubs the cabinet: The food is in here! If I had thumbs I’d consider doing it myself! I fill the empty bowl. She sniffs it and walks away.

My other cat, Izzy, is usually lying on her back on the rug in the dining area. She acknowledges me with indifference. Like my son, she prefers to be ignored in the morning. I give her head a pat anyway. She’s politely receptive to the attention and then turns her back on me. I hear her purring loudly in spite of herself.

I flip the coffee pot on, it gurgles and sputters to life. Using the counter for balance, I do ten sumo squats and then ten hip-width squats and I think: The thighs are a big muscle group. You’ve got to really burn them out. Knowing I don’t care to burn them out at that hour, I shrug off the pointless information in my head and do a sun salutation and give thanks for anything that comes to mind. Good morning sun. Thank you for this day, Universe. I am thankful for my family, for my healthy strong body, for coffee, for my beautiful home, for my garden, for my friends….. It’s usually something like that.

I’ve noticed some of my limiting beliefs lately so I’ve started saying affirmations to rewrite those as well. They vary, but go something like this: Money is vital. Money comes easily to me. My body is healing and I’m supporting the process with good food, water, exercise, and adequate sleep. I am peaceful. I am connected to others in a meaningful way. 

While my coffee continues to brew, I take the bird seed and mealworms to the yard to fill the feeders. The birds are always waiting for me and when I open the backdoor, my ears fill with the sound of dozens of birds taking flight. They roost in the trees nearby until I finish and then they flock to the feeders. One the garage roof, they politely stand in a line, waiting their turn to peck at the food I’ve provided.

Back inside, I pour a cup of hot coffee and sit at the kitchen table that I’ve adorned with a quilt I made when Kathryn was a baby. This morning, I sit down with my journal and made a list of things I’d like to see manifested in my life. Lately, I’ve stopped trying to manifest and I’ve been simply showing gratitude for everything we have instead. In the last two years since I started working on manifesting and living in gratitude, my husband and I have received everything we’ve asked for. It’s quite miraculous, really.

It’s not magic though and anyone can do it, including you. You just need to focus less on what you want to GET and more on how you want to FEEL. That’s the key to manifesting. When we aren’t tapped into and connected with our emotions, because the world would rather have us distracted with stuff we don’t need, it can be hard to tap into the FEELING we want to have. Meditation can help and that can be sitting quietly, or focusing on your breathing, or working in your garden (my favorite way to meditate), or whatever you prefer. Just work on BEING STILL in your Spirit . I actually prefer the Biblical meaning of being still: LETTING GO. It means really letting go, not just sitting and being physically still, but just letting go. Let go of expectations, let go of “shoulds,” let go of worry and anger and all the negative mumbo-jumbo that may be in your mind, lying to you, holding you back, making you feel like you’re flawed. Be still and believe that what you want is already out there waiting for you to be open to receiving it.

Because it is.

My wants these days turn more toward real life connection with others, especially women and children. I’m not going to discuss it here, but I have a vision and I’m holding onto it, while remaining very open to variations that Universe finds more suitable. I know what I want, but I’m happy to leave the details to Energy better equipped than me.

planning

After my journaling, I begin planning my daughter’s homeschool day. This is always flexible. I hate rigid schedules that do nothing more than make moms feel like they’re constantly behind and stress the children (just my experience, you may have skills I lack). Anyway, I love to plan daily, rather than trying to plan a bunch ahead of time. Lucky for me, the curriculum is laid out so nice that really I just have to plan extensions and make adjustments based on where my daughter is with her progress. She loves math, so I generally start with that, then we read, discuss, and learn words together. After that, she gets free time (no devices though, unless it’s Leap TV). Usually she plays dolls, helps in the garden, or we go on an adventure. Later, we cover science and social studies.

If you were to come to our house, you’d likely end up in the kitchen. Everyone does and it’s been this way with every house I’ve ever lived in. For whatever reason, everyone ends up in the kitchen. I love it. My table is usually a mess of things from pencils to books, to flowers, to toys…whatever. In the corner, you’ll find my desk, also loaded with stuff, including a keyboard, because we haven’t gotten a stand for it and until my son moves into his house, we don’t have the extra room for the keyboard. Whatever, it works. You’ll also find the huge bar with homeschool stuff stacked on the shelves behind it and stuff on top. It sounds like I’m a hoarder, but really, I’m not. We use all of the stuff we have. Not all the time, but it definitely gets used. It’ll all be organized soon and in the meantime, I’m not worried about it.

It’s comfortable.

It’s home.

We live and love here and anyone is welcome to pull up a chair to share a cup of coffee or a glass of wine with us. Their children are welcome to play and dance and sing (we have a little karaoke machine in the kitchen too). I want this home to always be a welcoming place, where people leave with a smile, feeling rejuvenated and peaceful.

I didn’t come to this easily. For a while, I wanted nothing to do with anyone. I became a hermit for a while. You know, I think it was necessary. I think I needed a period of isolation for reflection and evaluation. I needed time to consider what was important to me. I needed to sink low, into my own darkness to see the flicker of light in my own Spirit. I needed others’ words, found in many pages of many books. I needed to find my own words and write daily. I needed a period of too little sleep to remind me why it’s so vital to my health. I needed a period of junk food and gluttony to remind myself why nutritious food is critical to my vitality. I needed to be sedentary for a while so that I began to desire movement. It’s easy to get down on ourselves when we feel lethargic and even depressed, but there is always a lesson there. Even if you find yourself there, give thanks and ask for guidance. I often asked, “Please help me to see the lesson here.” It gave me a certain perspective when I basically didn’t even want to get out of bed in the morning.

I won’t lie and say that sometimes I even wished I wouldn’t wake up at all. I didn’t want to die, I just didn’t want to live. I was backing away from life, because I wasn’t living the life I wanted. I was going against my Nature. We are each born to be as we are. When we fight that and criticize ourselves, our Spirit light dims. The good news is we have the power to turn brighten that light.

Make a list of things you enjoy. Think about when you feel happy, peaceful, sexy, strong, intelligent, etc…what are you doing? What are you passionate about? What are you wearing? Who are you with?

These things are hints to you living through your true Spirit. Make time to incorporate something you love into your week, every week. Maybe you love wearing heels, but seldom do because you are afraid to be overdressed. Plan a day to wear heels and own it!

Maybe you have been wanting to hike, or camp, or just been nature, but you’ve been working so hard you haven’t had time. Schedule an hour to walk in a park.

It doesn’t have to be a huge endeavor. Start small if you need to, but START. For me, I knew I wanted to have time to write and time to just be alone, so I began setting my alarm for 6:30. That simple change has made a drastic change in my life. I’m more patient with my daughter, I’m happier, I have more energy, I’m more productive, and I’m sleeping better.

Make the changes you feel you need. You’re important. This is YOUR life. Build the life you love.

xoxo

PS…I’d like to leave you with a poem I read with my daughter the other day. It’s beautiful. Be well.

onemotherPoem

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a website or blog at WordPress.com

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: